My quest for a life recently brought me to a ‘Personal Best’ seminar – three days aimed at shifting a few emotional gremlins and extending my focus beyond laundry and extra-curricular activities. So, this post is dedicated to a new group of friends with whom, much against my better judgement, I shared the insecurities and idiosyncrasies that quiver beneath my carefully tended public persona.
It was an intense weekend of long days and late nights, and it was a leap for me to leave the family to fend for themselves. When I left I instructed the children that they should direct all queries to their father for the entire weekend, which is more of an adjustment than you might think. For the most part, when I’m out I get a series of texts asking random things like “What can I have for a snack?”, or “Can my friend come for a sleepover?” – even if they are sitting on the couch right next to their Dad.
It drives me crazy, but on the other hand, if I go out and they manage without me I’m really quite offended. I guess it feels good to be indispensable.
When it came down to it they all coped very well and, frankly, I’m a little choked that they weren’t more delighted to see me each night. The only one who was genuinely ecstatic was the dog who has been following me round whimpering in pathetic gratitude ever since I got back. It’s getting a little annoying, but I hate to complain in case I regret it when she stops.
Of course, the scariest aspect of a long weekend committed to personal growth, is the thought of all the dirty dishes that four people can create and pile by the sink in three days. It’s enough to destroy any amount of inner serenity and reduce to rubble a world of good intentions. So after day 2, in an effort to ‘own my personal power’, I gently impressed on my husband the inadvisability of allowing me to come home to 3 days of dirty dishes after day 3. As I left that morning he was evaluating the situation and visibly planning his attack. He did quite a good job of tackling the stack, and I believe most of it was washed and put away by the time I got home. Fortunately for him, the patient loving person who had, over the weekend, replaced his frazzled, tetchy wife, was willing to overlook the fresh stack he built during the course of the day.
Anyway, the upshot is that I have gone public with this blog and made a commitment to myself and the world at large to write. And for what it’s worth, this is it. Enjoy!